沉默的大多数

开始的时候它是记叙文
后来理想把它变成说明文
到达了终点它变成议论文
看清终点之后它变成散文
现在它是一首现代诗
有最华丽的标题
面朝大海花开暖春

然后

内空

卡卡长得真快
他现在喜欢吃饺子
一顿能吃两个
听见音乐会手舞足蹈
视频的时候很不耐烦
他会叫爸爸妈妈
但还不知道妈妈是妈妈，爸爸是爸爸
他抓周抓了计算器
然后还抓了参考消息
我们都对他倍感敬畏
他的血型是AB
星座是双子
据说这样会有很强的双重性格
希望一重很爱我
另外一重还是很爱我
卡卡还去拍了他的第一套写真集
大多数时候他不怎么配合



可是配合的时候就可爱得让人抓狂







不过我还是最爱他的护照相



宝贝儿生日快乐！

昨天晚上梦到表弟，不是现在的他，是他刚呀呀学语的样子，胖胖小小．那年我大概１０岁，大人不停拿新买的美女挂历逗他：宝宝以后选哪个当媳妇？我觉得大人好无聊．他如今真的开始交女朋友，我醒来想着梦里胖胖小小的他，一身冷汗．

姥姥没了．很突然地，三个星期以前．她说胸口闷，然后含了药睡下，就没再醒来．世界上亲爱的人又少了一个．只差两个月我就可以把卡卡抱回去给她看．也许她太累了等不动了．姥爷过世以后姥姥过得并不开心．

据说宋美龄在世的最后几年深居简出，因为和她同辈甚至后辈的人们都过身了，只得一个外甥女照顾她．这大约是世界上最寂寞的感觉．

我很想念姥姥．可是我不敢把她的照片翻出来看，只得在这儿胡乱说几句，大家无视就好了．

如果真有上帝，不知道为什么他要把时间这个维度做成不可逆，而不是像空间的三个维度一样可以在其中自由运动．这大约是一个系统的bug，只是我们一生都生活在这个bug里已经习惯了。在没有bug的系统里，下个星期我会带卡卡去动物园，回来的路上我们会去一趟一个月前的姥姥家，我说姥姥您看这就是您的重孙，您看他笑起来和您一样一样的。

Ten months ago, days after Lucas was born, a pediatrician came to our room to check him out. He spent about 10 minutes on Lucas, happliy declared that Lucas is one healthy baby, then swiftly left the room.

T minus 6 months, I was anxiously waiting in my OB's office for my first appointment. Without much to do, I made a phone call to my insurance company. The customer service lady warmly congratulated me for my pregnancy and assured me that I'm all covered. "How about my baby?", I asked. "Oh, don't you worry. He's automatically covered by his mom's insurance for the first 30 days!", she said. "How wonderful.", I thought to myself. Sounds like insurance companies are not so evil as people have claimed. Sometimes they make things easy, too!

T plus 3 months, I received a $292 bill from the Bryn Mawr hospital for the pediatric service, with a "seriously overdue" hot pink tag on it. I was so sure it was a mistake that I almost got into a fight with the hospital billing department. When I hung up I swore to them that I would call back and humiliate them with that proof of payment I would obtain from my insurance company. Too bad I couldn't. The hospital guy was right. Nobody paid.

What happened then struck me. I was told by my insurance company (a different CSR in the coldest tone ever) that I was soly responsible for that bill because I never added Lucas to my plan. I was so confused that for a moment she almost convinced me it's my fault.

T plus 3.5 months, I finally found some time to study the fine print of my insurance policy and located those sacret words:"A newborn is covered by the mother's insurance plan for the first 30 days automatically". In the next few weeks I made several phone calls to my insurance company. Each and every time I was told that it doesn't apply to my case because my employer is of a special type. Some CSRs nicely offered their apology for the mixed messages delivered. Some CSRs were really annoied by my ignorance about this special type, of which I still can't remember the exact name to date after hearing about it for multiple times.

T plus 4 months, I decided to file an appeal simply because I'm angry.

T plus 6 months, I received a letter saying that after an independent investigation of my case my original conversation with the CSR at T minus 6 months was miraculously retrieved and it's concluded that the insurance company should pay.

One would think that's the end of the story, wouldn't one? Nope, not yet.

T plus 8 months, I started receiving phone calls from debt collection guys (by the way if you think CSRs are mean wait till you hear from these guys) threatening to report this to credit agencies if I don't pay immediately.

T plus 9 months, I'm so fed up by the collection calls that I just want to pay it myself then have the insurance company mail their check directly to me. But nope again, I was told by the insurance company that they can't do that. Their system is so seamlessly programmed that they cannot manually change where the check goes to so I just have to wait.

T plus 10 months, I can't take it anymore. I called the appeal department again and was greeted by a nice lady who promised to put my case to their "expedite" list so that a check will go out in 2 weeks. At the end of the phone call I couldn't help asking her what does she feel about the word "expedite". Between me and my employer we pay this insurance company more than $292 every month for premium, yet it takes them almost a year to spit it out. She giggled.

So here's my anecdotal experience with the broken system. I feel sorry for myself and I feel sorry for the hospital. Why do we need these greedy middlemen who are purely profit-driven and have destroyed the payment and pricing system in healthcare? But at least now I can understand the NPR shows better when angry law professors talk about healthcare revolution on air.

转自豆丝儿某朋友blog: http://winnie628.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!2792CF8593C3A5A2!2564.entry

上班这一天其实可短暂了
电脑一开一关，一天过了，嚎~？
电脑再一开一关，又一天过 了，嚎~？
上班这一天最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？
就是下班了，活还没干完！
上班这一天最最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？
就是还没下班 ，活，干完了！
最最最痛苦的是，上班时没有活，快下班了，来活了

这上班时间其实可短暂了。
眼睛一闭一睁，上午过去了，嚎~？
眼睛再一闭一睁，这下午又过去了，嚎~…….
上班最痛苦的事儿是啥，你知道嘛？今天上完了，明天还得上。
比这还痛苦的事是啥，你知道嘛？就是今天上完了，明天没得上了,嚎

某一年我第一次去参加白象party（就是米国人民热衷的一种把破烂儿当礼物交换的party），拿到了一瓶酒。它包装得很美，银灰色的暗纹纸，我摩挲良久也不舍得拆开。当然最终我还是把它拆了。玩过白象的同学们大概猜到了，美丽的彩纸底下，赫然包着一瓶酱油。革命道路散场的时候，我坐在黑暗里，想起的就是多年前的这瓶酱油。

就象每个哲学家都思考死亡一样，每部电影都试图解读人生。对我来说，革命道路和阳光小美女是传递了完全相反信息的两部电影。前者说：人生就是个hopeless emptiness。这才是生活的本真。People don't forget the truth, they just get better at lying。人生是如此地令人绝望，以至于在完美无缺的生活表象底下，女主人还是选择了毁灭和逃亡。后者说：对于小美女的一家，人生处处令人失望，爸爸没有事业小妹没有美貌叔叔没有爱情哥哥多年的梦想破灭，可是人生本身竟然还是可以这么美好。也许这就是为什么，后者是我的至爱，而前者只是包了美丽银灰暗纹纸的一瓶酱油。也许呻吟是没病的人才乐于使用的奢侈，没去过巴黎的女主人对只有巴黎才能拯救她的生活的执著信念就象她在决定要选择自己命运时表现的勇气一样令我敬佩却无法理解。

欢迎喜欢革命道路的小朋友们踊跃拍板儿砖。

吃饭的卡卡





像女生的卡卡





穿开裆棉裤的型男卡卡





静坐的卡卡





不会爬也不知道着急的卡卡





和小姐姐争宠的卡卡






摔倒前一秒钟的卡卡






四头身标准身材的卡卡





走光的卡卡






溜边儿站的卡卡





晒太阳并思考人生的卡卡





有房有车的卡卡





展示柔韧性的卡卡






大年初一的卡卡





我的宝贝卡卡

Kudos to 王可达．

走过路过的都进来听歌啦：http://www.myspace.cn/themailman

祝他成功．

清早牙还没刷收到一封信，年底高中校友会有每届学生的展板，征集对高中生活的感言回忆思念和近况云云。负责征集的同学说：我觉得要求不高，几句话就好，希望大家都积极参与。我觉得他说得很有道理，于是点reply，准备说几句。

要落笔的时候才发觉此事大不简单，因为“几句话就好”这个要求对于我的满腔感慨实在是太有挑战性了。于是我打算把自己的思念都倒在这儿，把装点展板教育学弟学妹的任务留给其他同学。

我的高中生活是一幅水彩画，笔法稚嫩，色调温暖。当然回忆总是美好的，连考试作业升学在回忆里都镶了青春的金边儿，变得没那么令人厌烦了。我讨厌早自习，我讨厌所有需要早起的活动。晚自习就不一样，晚自习之后回家的路是愉快的。我对高中的回忆仿佛总是高三，因为在我三年的高中生活里两年都是高三。高考就像游戏里四肢发达头脑简单的大怪，愚蠢而狰狞地在路尽头等着。第二年高三仿佛又比第一年快乐点儿，因为人长大了，菠菜吃多了，习题做多了，武力值有所增加，就没那么怕妖怪，多出来的精力可以用来培育友谊及惦记男生。

我的中学是很好的中学，因为我没经历过真正意义的中考，所以要到很多年之后才意识到这一点，意识到自己的幸运。很长的一段时间里，我对中学最大的思念是它对面街上那家牛肉面。我不喜欢吃牛肉，就把肉拨给同去的男同学们。吃了面大家会在街上闲逛，如果比较烧包可能再买个糖葫芦或是绿豆冰糕边吃边聊。我一点儿也想不起那时候的话题，但是我记得自己那时候很害羞。我那时惦记的男同学和他的哥们儿都很贫，我最喜欢看他们斗嘴耍贫然后跟着傻乐。他们在之后的很长一段时间里甚至直到现在都影响了我对朋友的审美观，所以如果你像很多人那样觉得我这个人交朋友没原则好玩就行，那很不幸我知道这样很不好可是改不了了这是高中落下的病根儿。

除了牛肉面和一起吃面的人我最思念的就是我的老师们。这听上去很酸可是确实是事实。范跑跑在一虎一席谈上说：教师算不上是什么人类灵魂的工程师，他们当不起这个称号。虽然我很挺他觉得他比郭跳跳靠谱多了（by the way没看过的同学们一定要去看看那期一虎一席谈，很极品），但是我的很多老师们绝对当得起这个称号。他们为人正直，热爱教育，人生态度积极。他们讲的课让我甚至除了应付考试之外能时常对知识本身发生兴趣，这虽然听上去很当然没什么大不了，但是我认为所有记得自己高中是多么痛恨学习的正常小孩都会明白这对于一个中学老师是多么了不起的事儿。我最喜欢的是语文课和物理课，上了大学之后对于没有了语文课还惆怅了很久。我最大的遗憾是化学学的太烂了，虽然我自己不怎么在乎，可是每次面对有我记忆里最白的牙齿的和蔼化学老师的和蔼笑容都觉得不能让他省心真的很愧疚。我曾经非常同情老师们，尤其是政治老师，我觉得我们只学这么几年也就忍了，他们一辈子都要和这些无聊的课本和习题打交道实在是太可怜了。可是很快我就发觉其实他们都很喜欢他们的工作，每次走进教室都是由内而发地微笑着，这个发现让我倍感欣慰，我觉得这么差劲的工作他们还是做得很开心真是太好了，我很替他们高兴，因为我喜欢他们。

高考后和大一开始的那一年我的生活发生了很多变化。我从一个快乐的小孩变成了一个很不快乐的大学生。大学的前三年对我而言实在是遭透了，直到大四和后来去北京我才重拾我的快乐。也许是因为大学生活的强烈对比色，高中显得更加令人思念。不管怎样，高中是我人生最快乐的时光之一。从高中开始，我有了真正的朋友，开始了对未来的思考，甚至情窦初开。年少的时候总是低估地老天荒，我那时认定我喜欢的同学们和老师们永远都会和我住在相邻的城市，每年初二都会回到从前的教室见面（我们在中学毕业的前几年保持了这个传统），我们的过家家般的友谊看不到任何会消失的理由。十几年后，生活把我们带到面目全非的未来，我的同学们也都变样了。我看着他们新近聚会的照片，第一秒钟也会有路人的感觉。我的几何老师几年前去世了，很多老师也陆续离开了学校。我去年回去我的中学，在大门口徘徊良久，颇有点近乡情怯。有时我想，也许中学就是用来思念的，我不想和中学同学互换名片，讨论经济危机石油价格后奥运时代和兰寇眼影，然后彼此客气地许诺给表弟表妹介绍工作。在牛肉面馆那条街，十几年前有一个下午，几个中学生在买贺年卡，看摊的老板有个傻儿子，笑嘻嘻地流着鼻涕看着其中一个男同学，这个男同学也笑嘻嘻地探过脸去，然后傻儿子忽然开口对男同学说：“傻样儿！”，大家哗一下弯腰笑成一团。。。咔嚓一声，时间就定格这一刹那，压膜存档。这就是，我所思念的中学，和我想要我的中学思念的我。

原创，真的是原创。是俺拿来反驳嘲笑我们工作boring的各界人士的法宝。。。

Wandering around the world:  Stochastic process

Number of people you will pass until love finds you:  Negative binomial distribution

Chances of moving forward in your career:  Non-linear mixed effects model of 50 fixed and 500 random factors

Amount of time you will be alive and healthy:  Cox proportional-hazard function with competing suicidal risks

Feeling happy or not at this moment:  Unpredictable

There are things central limit theroem can't apply to

For everything else, there's statistics

卡卡五个月大了。

他变得很爱笑。最喜欢peekaboo和荡秋千。他开始吃苹果泥，香蕉，和菜叶子。给他吃的东西我都尝过，很难吃，可是卡卡吃得很高兴。他看见他的小碗和小勺就大笑，露出他的两个小狗牙儿。



他最喜欢的书叫《大家来洗澡》，因为他目前基本上只有这一本书。我给他讲书的时候他执著地把书的一角塞进嘴里。他现在用这种方式表达对所有东西的喜欢：比如他的puppy，拨浪鼓，和我的手指头。





我喜欢卡卡的眼睛头发小手小脚丫，可是我最喜欢他脸蛋儿上的两团儿肉，简直长在我心上一样。卡卡现在开始有很多表情：微笑，大笑，惊恐，严肃，好奇，沉思。他大笑的时候很憨厚地挤出很多个下巴，让人跟着笑出眼泪来。







卡卡除了打针的时候从来不哭，他不爽的时候就叫唤：“啊啊啊~ 啊啊啊啊啊~~”。可是他姥姥姥爷去飞机场前抱着他掉眼泪的时候，他的眼圈红了。

卡卡很幸福，全家都围着他转。我担心他一定会被宠坏，但是发现自己最迫不及待地想要宠坏他。简直随时准备好为他冲锋陷阵，把世界上最好的都抢过来给他。

卡卡五个月大了。So far so wonderful. 未完待续。。。

很久以前看到今天又想起来的一篇blog

In a thousand years：

In a thousand years, it is absolutely certain that there will no longer
be Goldman-Sachs or Morgan Stanley, McKinsey or BCG, Microsoft or Google.

In a thousand years, it is almost certain that there will no longer be
the United States of America or the European Union.

In a thousand years, it is uncertain whether there will still be the Roman
Catholic Church or Harvard University.

But in a thousand years, action potentials will, with absolute certainty,
continue to propagate according to the Hodgkin-Huxley equation; and the
primary visual cortex will, with absolute certainty, continue to consist
of ocular dominance columns.

Vita brevis, ars longa.

二零零八年十月七日  多云转晴

今日小事：
道指继日前破万后再度大力下挫500点，全球股市一片低迷。萧条迹象明显。群众们纷纷表示要少买名牌暂停减肥以渡难关。有股有房有工作的同学们纷纷感叹这日子没法过了。。。没股没房没工作的同学们纷纷认为见证历史心情很激动。全球除北韩以外的人民群众士气－45，混乱度＋88，幸福感－24。

今日大事：
王卡卡小朋友长牙了。据本报特约记者卡卡他姥姥报道，十月七日美东时间九点二十八分记者在给卡卡喂蛋黄的时候发现其下牙床上有白色坚硬不明物体。经戴老花镜经一步确认证实为小门牙两颗。消息一经证实，全家士气＋69，混乱度＋47，幸福感＋126。

二零零八年十月七日是有意义的一天，特作文以记之。

Well, just as the marathon was one of the concluding events of the Olympic Games, we are now bringing our broadcast marathon to a close. Beyond the competitive drama, every Olympics provides a snapshot of a city and a country at a point in time. This one was more compelling than most, since China's rise and its ongoing transformation is the global story, not only of the moment, but likely of the foreseeable future.

These Olympics were a milestone in that still unfolding story. And while history will tell us whether or not the Olympics provided China with the confidence to not only build on its considerable strengths, but also to address its considerable problems. This much we know.This is a country so vast, a people with lives so varied and a history so rich and complex that no visitor can fully grasp it. Still, of these Games, no advanced degree in international relations was required to appreciate the genuine warmth of the Chinese people, the honest pride in their country and how seriously Chinese citizens, famous Olympians, to everyday men and women, took this chance to show themselves to the world.All Olympics are important to the host city. These Games were monumentally important to the host nation, which happens to be home to 1/5 of humanity.

All that said, just as these Olympics were significant politically, they were also very significant competitively. Beijing turned out to be among the most memorable Olympics ever.One headline was anticipated before the Games began, and then verified here. For the first time since the fall of the Berlin Wall, an ongoing Olympic rivalry shapes up. In Beijing, the U.S. won 110 medals-the most it's ever won at a non-American Olympics. But China, second in the overall count, easily won the most golds here, and the most by any country since the old Soviet Union in 1988. Many of China's triumphs went beyond excellence. Their perfection and precision, simply beautiful to behold. China is now a sports power with a sophisticated state-supported sports system. They will be at or near the top of the medal list at London and beyond.Meanwhile, the Americans had plenty to cheer about. Beach volleyball pairs both prevailing, Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson winning gold and winning hearts, the men's basketball team doing exactly what they set out to do-winning, yes-but also redeem and redefine the image and purpose of the U.S. program.These Games reached multiple crescendos. From the beginning, there was Michael Phelps, who now ranks among the very greatest Olympians ever and who is also now in the top tier of the best and most popular contemporary athletes in any sport-unheard of for a swimmer, until Phelps.Just about the time Phelps left the pool, a Jamaican jet zoomed over the track. The sprints are supposed to be decided by blinks of an eye, not by bolts of speed so astonishing that, like the spectators, the competitors can only marvel at the world's-- and history's--fastest man. More nations, 204, participated here than in any Games before. And more won medals, 87, than ever before as well.But beyond the medal podium, the Olympics remain a human panorama, with many also-- ran finishes and first-round eliminations, nonetheless representing epic personal stories, only appreciated by the participants themselves and their families, friends and countrymen.Theses Games began with Zhang Yimou's stunning Opening Ceremony, so boldly conceived and brilliantly executed, that it set a standard for such occasions unlikely to be equaled. And tonight, with more theatrical touches, the curtain came down. So the people of the world came to Beijing, and the people of China extended their hands. You don't have to speak a word of Mandarin to understand that.I've been fortunate to be involved with many memorable Olympics, and in many ways, this has been the most memorable. In no small part, due to the efforts of the small army of people who worked tirelessly to bring these Games home to you. For these colleagues, I will always have enormous professional regard and personal gratitude.The names of these talented men and women accompany this final montage of the images of China and Olympic moments-moments we hope resonate with you as they have with us. Good night, this one last time, from China.

 

 

严格地来说，黄品源不是“我”的宝贝，他是很多人的宝贝。不知道十几年前有多少人曾经像我那样把一首“你怎么舍得我难过”从午饭放到晚饭，放得同屋的师兄求饶说：“求求你把耳机带上吧”。。。想来一定不会少。

想起黄品源，是因为昨天第一次看见综艺大哥大这节目，惊见张菲身边的小弟好面熟，原来是他，竟做了综艺节目主持人，粉衣黑裤，眉梢眼角还是多年前的那个样子，可是明显力不从心地搞笑着，笑着，迎合着。我很伤心。真的很伤心。好象十几年岁月嗖嗖地从耳边呼啸而过，低头看到紧握在手里的心爱的饼干一块一块都发霉了。

近来常作这样的感慨，大概自己每天都看见自己，所以觉不出变化，时间的烙印就要从旁的人身上显现。那些年少的时候迷恋过的，郑钧老了，张楚不见了，窦唯成仙了，连王志文都中规中矩地娶了名模。原来不止自己是凡人，自己迷上的也都是凡人而已，这发现真叫人伤感。所幸还有王小波，他走得早，他的背影就是永恒的甜饼干。

当然这感慨也有“替古人担忧”之嫌，也许品源哥乐在其中也未可知。可我总觉得他弹吉他的手不该去陪女嘉宾打手铃配和声，虽然他打得很棒很投入，他唱情歌的嘴也不该去朗读“你这个月经常迟到”（用“月经”造句），虽然这确实还算好笑。

算了，俱往矣。。。

 

昨天费城电影节最后一天，去看了个fesitval favorite，叫<Kenny>

<Kenny>讲述了澳大利亚淘粪工人Kenny Smyth的简单生活。Kenny是portable toilet公司"Splashdown"的雇员，每当大型活动的时候他们就提供便携式的厕所。他工作勤奋敬业，业务水平挺高。可以通过客户提供的人群大小，酒水多少，食品类别，有无咖喱等信息迅速判断出一次活动需要几只厕所。对于自己的工作，Kenny有清醒的认识："I like my job. It's a trade"。他的父亲对他很失望，总想给他介绍个"real job"。他的哥哥生日party，因为他穿着“工作服”赶来而把他拒之门外。他结过婚，有个儿子。前妻对他很粗鲁，总是随时打电话来抱怨儿子的恶行。他的客户不愿意和他握手，人们都对他避而远之。他的同事要么就不干活整天思考人生，要么就总和客人打架闹事。喝醉了酒的年轻人常在party最后把这些便携厕所烧掉，于是Kenny业余练习拳击以保护自己和公司的厕所。

这应该是一部小人物的伤感电影，可是我唯一的眼泪是笑出来的。电影从头到尾都充斥了toilet jokes，用Kenny浓重的澳大利亚口音层出不穷地讲出来。他的日子过得有点烦，有一次他从马桶里把客人掉进去的结婚戒指捞出来，另外一次他为了抢救公司的厕所自己差点被火点着。这些时候Kenny就会抱怨说这个日子过够了。可是绝大多数的时候他挺高兴的。电影的高潮是Kenny的老板临时有事，让从没做过飞机的Kenny做商务仓去田纳西的马桶及便携式厕所博览会。在那里Kenny见识了厕所业的未来，叹为观止。他还认识了美丽的空姐，和来采购的日本商人，阴差阳错地替公司做成了笔交易。老板因为这笔交易给他提职。可是他反复考虑以后还是决定继续自己的淘粪工作。因为desk job不适合他。

奶奶是我很小的时候就没了的，我只在照片上见过她的样子。她抱着襁褓中的我，站在风里微笑着，一头白发都飞扬着。我身上流着她四分之一的血，可是奶奶对于我，也只是一个陌生人。我小时候爸爸常常说起奶奶，说起她养了五个儿子和一个女儿的劳碌的一辈子，说起她去世前他们在医院守护时的心情。这些时候爸爸常泛红了眼睛，小小的我就会觉得莫名地难过。可是那时的我终究不能体会，奶奶是爸爸的妈妈，就像我的妈妈和我。于是我常常很困惑，爸爸为什么这么想我的奶奶，我们和她又不是很熟。。

爷爷去世要到十多年以后，那时我十几岁，已经“长大”了。可是死亡对于我还是个很神秘的概念。爷爷喜欢男孙，所以从小对我们几个孙女儿都是淡淡的。从第一次发现过年时堂弟的红包比我的大，在饭桌上大声问妈妈为什么被打了屁股之后我就了解了，爷爷喜欢堂弟多过我。我的小心灵不是不受伤的，妈妈为了这个常常很怪爷爷。可是爷爷去世前的最后一个春节，我们一家又在一起过年。那时他病得说不出话了，我们几个被一一带到他面前。我依稀记得他很瘦很瘦，脸颊都深深凹进去。头发长长的，样子很可怕。我有点害怕往后躲，可是爸爸把我往前推。爷爷忽然攥住我的手，他的手力气还是很大，攥的我甚至有点疼。然后他哭了。也许不是为我，可我固执地相信他是的。我愿意相信他这样表达他对我的爱和惦记，因为虽然从小到大我很气他，那一刻我却很舍不得他。

姥爷去世又要再过十年，那时我已经出国。姥爷的病来势汹汹，从确诊到去世也只是一个月的时间。那时爸爸妈妈来参加我的毕业典礼，我记得二姨频频给妈妈打电话，找了很多借口劝妈妈早点回家。我和爸爸都没觉察什么，可是妈妈坚持说，二姨骗她，肯定是姥爷病了，这就是父女连心吧。他们匆匆赶回去了，赶回去的第三天，姥爷去世了。姥爷生前身体很好，很少生病，每天散步，买菜，看报，做饭，照顾体弱的姥姥，陪她一起打麻将。可是他就这么突然的没了。如此地突然，以至于我现在还偶尔对于这个事实很恍惚。只有每次回家看到日益年迈，渐渐糊涂的姥姥，才忽然意识到原来姥爷已经不在了多年了。

周国平说：子女是我们和生之间的一扇门，父母是我们和死之间的一扇门。子女到来时，我们就更远离了生；父母离去时，我们就更靠近了死。生命的轮回，用这种方式把我们带过一扇扇门，做从生到死的准备。前两天因为工作的关系心情很差，我懊恼自己大着肚子不能全力和老板斗争。回家以后我照着镜子，看着自己笨重的样子，看着乱糟糟不能烫的头发，看着一橱也许以后永远穿不进去的美丽衣服，想着背痛整夜睡不好，想着那些可怕的生产故事。。。很崩溃地对着镜子大喊了一句：我以后再也不生小孩了！小宝就在那一刻，忽然狠狠地踢了我一脚。也许他只是刚好翻个身，也许他真的听懂了。可是他把我踢哭了，我对着镜子流了很多眼泪。心里渐渐明白过来：我的孩子快来了，还有一个多月，我就不止是女儿和孙女儿，也是个妈妈了。从来没这么深切的感觉到，自己再不是个孩子了。虽然我还做鬼脸儿，撒娇，哭鼻子，可是对于儿子，从今以后我是他的门，他的守护天使。